Few things can shake one’s faith more than a disappointment—being looked over for a promotion, denied acceptance into a particular club or school, or rejection by someone we love. But it’s not the disappointment that’s the problem—because we are human and being disappointed is part of the human experience—it’s how choose to respond to the disappointment.
So here’s the million dollar question. How do you respond when things don’t go your way? Do you say, “all things are working together for my good,” or do you go into a litany of complaints, “just when I make one step forward, I’m knocked back two,” or “if it wasn’t for bad luck, I wouldn’t have any luck at all.”
My, my, my, that last statement is wrong on so many levels—first, luck is not part of the Christian experience and secondly, what will that type of talk produce besides depression and anxiety?
So knowing the truth makes you free. And the truth is coming to us today from the 4th chapter of James. Fortunately, he offers several explanations to the denial of our requests that may subsequently help to alleviate disappointment:
- YOU DIDN’T ASK (v. 2).
“You do not have because you do not ask.”
I can’t tell you how many times people have come to me to complain about their situations and when I ask them if they prayed and made a specific request to
God, they look at me like a deer caught in headlights. Strangely enough, they were expecting things to miraculously work out yet they hadn’t taken the time to pray and make the request known to God.
2. YOU ASK AMISS (v. 3)
“You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures.”
Praying for your request doesn’t mean that you will get it. The next obstacle is the condition of your heart. Unfortunately, we ask for some things out of vanity and pride. We want the big house—not to make our home open available to those who are in need of shelter and/or encouragement, but to show off. We want the fancy car—not to offer rides to those who are in need, but as a status symbol. So in return for your greed you get nothing and over time grow bitterer with disappointment. But if you would take the time to examine your heart you would know why some of your requests aren’t granted.
3. YOU ARE PRIDEFUL (v. 6)
“God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble.”
You are so busy planning your own way that you don’t have time to ask God His plan. But if you want to be empowered by His grace and achieve good success in all that you put your hands to, you must walk in humility. It is humility that allows you to seek Him for wisdom in how to use your time, energy, and resources. And it is humility that will enable you to handle disappointment well.
4. YOU ARE DISOBEDIENT
“If you pay attention to the commands of the LORD your God that I give you this day and carefully follow them, you will always be at the top,
never at the bottom” (Deutoronomy 28:13).
Sometimes the problem isn’t Steps 1-3 above but simply a matter of disobeying the specific command. Case in point, my son AJ receives a progress report every day from school. Since the beginning of school year he has gotten “good day.” But lately he has desired the best rating which is “great day.” So the other day he asked me how he could get his teacher to rate him higher. I told him it was simple: all he needed to do was to open his mouth and participate. He said that he would do that however, it has been several days and his rating hasn’t changed. Yesterday, when he opened his mouth to complain, I asked, “Did you do as I instructed?” Of course he had not. Ask yourself the same question, “Have I done what God has instructed me to do?” If not, any disappointment that you feel is self imposed.
I hope the next time you feel disappointed that you take time to explore the “why” behind your dilemma. Feeling disappointed is human but the power to overcome and learn from disappointment is divine.
Remember with God all things are possible,
Dr. Celeste
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Copyright © 2011 by Dr. Celeste Owens. All rights reserved.